Your Broken Smile

I give you a broken a smile,
Then ask you to stay awhile.
In my arms you are dieing,
When I say I love you, I am lieing.
Because if I did, I would let you go,
Nothing I can say will mend you, so
I just try to write you songs
Like "my heart longs."
To stay with you forever,
But when I pull the lever,
The curtains open
And I am hoping
That it is our scene,
Our sick twisted means,
Of living in a dream,
Or so it seems.
I write ballads to no one who cares

You Figure It Out

Never thought I would be called "shallow,"
Those words were hard to swallow.
When I walked away,
I didn't know what to say.
With an unable tounge, I am lame,
After that night, I knew nothing would be the same.
We pass the same halls,
With a greet that falls.
Into a shallow sea we sail,
Realizing all that fails.

My words drip mildew,
I share my feelings but only a few.
When my heart is hanging by a thread,
I am OKAY thats what repeats in my head.
I must be strong,
In order to carry on.
That is why you cannot know,
The feelings that I cannot show.
Vulnerable I will not be,
I am sorry it took you so long to see.

My Love

You left me again,
You left me with a grin.
It pains me to know,
You won't be where I go.

I lie when I say,
I will be OKAY.
I lie on my part,
While you lay in my heart.

From coast to coast,
Your're always my choice.
I should've never spoke,
With my words I shall choke.

I loved with all I had,
But I only made you sad.
My love, you had my all,
My love, I was your greatest fall,

Take A Bow

I can feel it when your present is near
I try to hush it back for I fear
That I will fall back to my old way
Of loving you more every day
You come around
I can't keep my frown
Because I know you love my smile
So I decide to stay awhile
Then it hits me, its never the same
We both are playing different games
Now I must take a bow
And slowly slip down
For I must not lose my sanity
To your appealing vanity

The Past and The Present

The past asked me to return
I do not want to relearn
The pain of losing it all
And now the present calls
It tells me to remember
All the nights of no slumber
Which one to choose
Which one to lose

The past paints a vived scene
Of goodtimes that intertwine
But O, I have not forgot
The times you tasted like rotgut
Have things changed
Has your mind rearranged

The present plays a different show
Memories that only shine and glow
But if you look closely at the picture
You can see the present start to ligature
This happened very quickly
It becomes quiet queerly

Shouldn't I have learned from the past
The present is loading the gun fast
Each bullet with a name on it
Each one ready to fit
In your heart for years and years
Hopefully this will not have many tears

Which one to choose
Which one to lose

Free Fallin'

One step to the greatest fall
One step to the fear in us all
Nothing there to hold me back
Nothing but fear to say I lack
The courage to take the leap
I am standing in adraline knee deep
I couldn't look down
I couldn't make a sound
I could hear something neat
It was my chest pounding beat
Thump, thump don't look back now
Thump, thump the screams weren't loud
There I was free fallin'
I heard them callin'
My name
My 5 seconds of fame

Lexi

A child that was given a chance
To laugh, sing and dance
This precious girl
That enter our world
Is here to melt our hearts
O the tears that starts
To fall from each young and old face
O how she makes your heart race
The feet that are so small
The hair that is barely there at all
A precious gift from Him
He handcrafted each limb
A child given a chance to live
A mother with so much to give

A poem dedicated to Lexi Hazel Stretch born August 14, 2009

You Were The Water Filling My Lungs

There we were by the sea
There I was looking at me
I saw myself grasping for air
Watching myself die, I couldn't bare
I screamed I am dieing
And there you were crying
You were the water filling my lungs
"Sorry" was the word you sung
Why wouldn't you stop
Water was almost to the top
I had one last look
In those eyes that took
The life that I once had
Now are you so so sad
I waved goodbye to myself
And wondered to oneself
Is this all but a dream
One crazy scheme
To realize you were killing me
And that we could never be

Therapy

Your telling me I need therapy
That I am a walking travesty
Therapy you were never a friend to me
Therapy you can keep your miseries
Arrogant girl, it will only be you
Arrogant girl, you always that you knew
Why do you smile at everything
Your not going to be anything
Without therapy to make sense
Of this mess that is so dense
This is what the Doc says
But nonsense is what pays
Therapy...
I am a walking travesty

Words, Wars, and Common Sense

If all you want is to fight
I will not run out of sight
But I will not throw one blow
Because that is very low
I bet your hit is very weak
But I will turn the other cheek
Hit me once or twice
And my words wont be nice
Hit me again
And it will begin
A silent war
There will be no gore
Just piercing words
Nothing to absurd
Truth hurts the most
Gives you chills like a ghost

God Grant Me This Wish

God grant me the mind
That says all is fine
God don't late hate dwell in me
Let Your light be all I see
I want to forgive and forget
I want to live with no regrets
I know I must let it all go
Even if I lose let it be so
I want to have a heart filled with love
That can only be given by You above
God remove me from this soil of hate
I want You to be first and not second rate
God grant me this request
And help me on this quest
Of only looking to You

Posion

A posion drop here
A posion drop there
A little posion everywhere
A little bit and you'll be fine
But all in due's time
You will start to see signs
Holes that you can not fill
Holes you want to seal
Holes that will never heal
Posion sets in
You see who you are within
You realize your nothing but sin
Pretty on the outside, God made us to be
But on the inside, your as ugly as me

Who Could Love This Beast?

who could ever love this beast?
I am unworthy to say the least.

unworthy to be loved
unworthy to love

the beast within
can only but sin

unworthy to show love
unworthy to have love

the beast saved me from heartache
the beast was the cause for heartbreak

unworthy to have you
unworthy to love you

the beast is within me
the beast is all I can see

unworthy to break free
unworthy of your pity

I am the beast that can't change
I am the beast that's in your range

unworthy of being saved
unworthy of losing the crave

I am the beast
I am to say the least

The Beat

I found two pieces of a heart
The rest must of been blown apart
I tried to see how they fit together
Both had been eroded by the weather
I searched for the soul
Who had a heart shaped hole
I wonder who this could be
Or maybe if it was me
I didn't want to look at my chest
For I knew it wouldn't be best
I felt my beat
It wasn't neat
I put my eroded heart in box
I covered it up with some rocks
I wouldn't miss the burning
I wouldn't miss hearing
The beat that bruised my heart
The beat that ruined me from the start

Where Did It Go?

Inspired I am not
To write is for me to rot

Stuck in a solid phase
Lost in a giant maze

Words are nowhere to be found
Feelings won't make a sound

Unfinished

Somewhere in Africa there is a plain.
Where the dirt i love has not seen rain.
The blazing sun sucked dry every growing grain.
Where i once played all day.
Have we forgotten that lovely May?
To a place where great heart aches lay.

I Got A Bullet With My Name On It

You, me and a loaded gun between us
What brought us here, it was our lust
You cry about me loving you enough
To give my own life, yes its rough
But you must understand
I loaded the gun with my own hand
Put one bullet in
To see who we are within
I sit there waiting for your choice
I can hear the cry in your voice
I am the monster that stole your heart
You should of already blowen me apart
Kissing my lips, I guess I should of figured
Damn you already pulled the trigger.

A Boy

I take your little hand in mine,
and realize you have so much time
To be the man that God created you to be
To play in a world that has so much to see.
Laughing comes easy without a doubt
Tears come within the first pout
But soon a smile reappears
and there are no more tears
You look at me and say
"I love you ashwee every day"


I dedicate this poem to Nate Jackson, my favorite hild in all the world!!!

A Flithy Letter

You sent me this, "I miss you too, im sorry, i will be silent now"
I don't know where it came from but "wow"
The same message just a different time
The same words look like flith and grime
When will this madness stop
I am screaming from mountain top
Let it be, just walk a way
You and I have nothing to say
I told you if you left me, you could never come back
While holding my hand, you proved a heart is what you lack
Now I sit and breathe the fresh air
Thinking that I shouldn't care

What Do You Feel?

The joy that I forget to mention
is as big as the pain that always talk
Beauty and pain can be seen with each other
as they take a walk
Down your heart lanes,
the problem pain is easy to hear
Beauty is forgotten
and we dwell on the hurt that raveges our soul
i wish i had the art to display happiness
that overflows my heart
Because joy wouldn't feel so good
if it wasn't for pain

Thank God

Seven years was your wasted breaths creeping down my neck telling me that I was not showing my ture feelings but awhile your breath was tainted with toxic waste that infected your mind to believe that all was ok. You sat and spit out words that you never thought twice about applying them to your own life. You sat high upon the pedastool of perfection, hoping that we all looked at you and said "gee, golly whiz" what a perfect family! But behind double bolted doors are the vines of lies and deciet that creeep upon the very bones that make you who you are. Was it the fear that I was doing better then fine that made you run in the cave and say never speak to me again as long as you are doing better then fine. Whatever it may be thank God that I am out of that situation and that I am growing deeply in the grass of truth, nothing but my selfishness can deroot me from the ground that God planted me firmly in. Thank God, Thank God that I am on the path that very true few trod.

Addictions Are Fools That Can't Say NO

Was I the worst drug of them of all,
I must of been, I was the first to fall.
I was the needle that directly hit your veins,
I was the rush the brought the worst pain.
I always knew something else was there,
A calming addiction that was not to rare
Someone else had a claim to your heart
And I wanted them to have no part
In this life that I claimed mine.
I came with no warning sign
I won a few battles but lost the war
Now I am a constant reminder of infectious sore
i hope the other drug will heal our damaged soul
But remember an addiction always leaves a never endng toll

The Ride

The ride was gut wrenching
Every nerve was pinching
My body shook as I heard
The words that blurred
My once clear sight
I couldn't even fight
You asked to take my hand
It felt just like the sand
Crumbling to the floor
You simply said no more
I walked away from it all
Just to watch the heart fall
Into a pit full of bitter sorrow
Never shall it see tomorrow
Cold and lost for now
It will love again somehow

The Wheat

I am falling apart

To songs about hips and hearts

The music is getting louder

My mind is bitter sour

Take a shot of this

You will forget your wish

It burns all the way down

It rips without making a sound

Switch the tempo and you got a beat

Switch the scene and you are the wheat

You were never mine to hold 

So the story was told

I am falling apart 

To songs about hips and hearts

A Choking Vine

I lost again, so it seems

Failure laying there and it gleams

No applause for my attempts before

Just nods of strangers galore 

Does my writing have meaning, not to you

I hardly want praise or maybe I want a few

Does my writing stand out, guess not

To you I thought it meant a lot

I am growing weary of being in second place

To love to to much; to love to little I always lose the race

Another wound, another dollar, another day

The edges of my heart are beginning to fray

He said, "why put a new address on the same old loneliness"

Because once again I fell for the same old phoniness

Jumble words spill out like wine

A cup choked but the vine

It twist and turns until there's nothing left

It comes through the window like a theft

It steals the love that you once grew

It leaves an emptiness you never knew

Finding it hard to imagine or does it hit your very core

No matter how many bandages you take, there will always be a sore 

Now talking is just a waste of breath

And living is just a waste of death

Random

I am writing this poem because someone dear to my heart asked me to write something happy:)

O! Happiness and joy is in the air

O! How life is good and fair

This is not a joke

So no need to choke

What I am saying is, life is great!

I am breathing at a fantastic rate

I wake up knowing a friend is there with a smiling face

The bad things do come but the good things win the race

If by chance you mistaken me a sad lonely child

Let me vanish these thoughts and say I am wild

Sadness is easily written by pen

But I am happier in the end

The Monster Within me

I look in the mirror

Waiting for the tear

I guess it will never come

I thought I had some

4 weeks I cried myself to sleep

4 weeks all I could do was weep

I left the memories in the dust

That part of my heart I left to rust

Where ever I buried you, your beginning to infect

I can not find you, your nowhere I can detect

I can feel the burning

The disease is turning

Into pain once again 

Road Trip

Set before us miles and miles of road
Clothes, food, and directions to load
Embarking on a wild adventures of all kinds
Whether our hearts desire it and no said our minds
We took that brave step of trusting a car from the eighties
It was Dynasty, no not your typical Mercades
We drove and drove until we said no more
We drove and drove until our legs became sore
I sat in the back day dreaming of all the could be
I sat there thinking all that had happened to me
I looked at my two friend's smiling faces in the sun rays
And thanked God it was going to be a great day!

Sorry to any readers

As I was thinking about my last poem (A Girl) I wrote, I realized that I was a bit rash and let my anger come out in words that judged a group of people that are trying their best to do what is right. I let go of my high standard that I have for this school and only thought on the negative side. So I deleted it and I am sorry to whoever read the poem and if you didnt get a chance to read well then that is good. Words are a powerful gift from God, we should use them to only portray the truth and not condemn people that we have no clue about. So once again I apologizes and next time I will be more careful about what I write.

Not Every Man Is Truthful?

Another incident where man wore a religious facade

But all awhile looking at the girls singing fa la de la da

Why did they keep a psycho safe behind Holy bars?

Were the keepers just making sure he didn't go to far!

They only heard the gargling words of a man's false preaching

Cries of the innocent were smashed so that he could keep teaching

Not only did one fall but so did the others who did nothing to stop the fall

Whether they were giving him a second chance or be nice it was not their call

Because what happened was to be stopped a long time ago

They should of not waited for another crucial blow

It tainted the image of their beliefs they spill out all the time

But when it comes to their own kind they won't give the harsh fine

There are good few but their voices are to low

They may have stopped it but frankly they were to slow

May this fraud find his way to the straight path

And I hope he finds it soon before God's wrath

May this be a lesson to the faithful men

That not all are sanctified within 

My Nightmares

I know when I lay my head down 

That I will hear that frightening sound

I beg for my dreams not to come when I sleep

For I know when I awake I will want to weep

I hear those footsteps walking in my mind

I know when I follow who I will find

I put off sleep until I can no longer hold my eyes open

Wishful hopes lay in my mind and I know I have awoken

Sweat and regrets roll down my face

I arise and quickly start to pace

Another night of tossing and turning

Another night of memories burning

Solid images of a form that taunts me

Reminding me of all that I wish I couldn't see

You got this a head filled up with smoke

Your feeding me lines that make me choke

Night after night I hope its something new

Night after night it is just you

Gravity

Gravity forces me to the thing I despise the most
I stand watching it, awhile I brag and boast
It is the oddest thing to know I love to stare
But o the smile I can hardly bare
I never know why my brain becomes mush
And those words of hate, I tell hush
That magnet force that says follow
Even tho the lines are very hollow
I stand there waiting for the gaze
And there my visions becomes a haze
I hope that I was not to much
I hope your getting along and such
Until the force pulls me and makes me sigh
I gues this is just another way to say goodbye

Burning blaze

Your just a reminder that I lost it all
Your just a reminder of my greatest fall
Seeing you is the pain giving me a wake up call
Why not just crawl back in your hole
I don't want the fire to blaze in my soul
I will tell the story of a grand tale
Where I was told that I will always fail
I thought I removed that rusty nail
That you long ago planted in my chest
Just live me alone, put everything to rest
This is what you wanted all along
This is the pity you put in your song
There you go about to flaunt
There you are, always to taunt
I do not know I started the fire
But this is beginning to tire
I am ready to forget your name
I am ready to lose the flame
You always hanging around is not a fit
So get out and put that in your pipe and smoke it

I Want It Back

I followed these tracks one day
They led me until the end of may
I looked at the weather
I looked at the wild feather
The rain would calm the feather tonight
It would wither me till I was out of sight
It was of no concern to me
Whether I couldn't see
Or if I had a place to lay my head
Or if my stomach was well fed
All I wanted was to hear your voice
Dieing here all alone is not my choice
I hope you will soon see the path
And you will let your heart lead not your wrath
This will be the day a piece of my heart is returned
And hopefully the rest of it is not burned
I am waiting...

His Love

Another day of watching lives cover themselves with dirt

But we would be so much more if we could chip away the hurt

Pain gives us a new face

Pain tells us to give up the race

We welcome pain because we know it well

Pain is there to tell us we are going through hell

If we could only see there is something bigger then pain

If we could only see the One who reigns

He sits high above the thing that cripple us the most

He says He has the right to sit and brag and boast

Because He has freed the ultimate sinner

And He said we all could be winners

If we but choose the path He long ago set for us

One rule to love Him and it is a must

He gentle reminds us of His present

He whispers His love to the peasant 

How good it is to be in His mighty hand

To see His power crash upon the sand

His love is never failing 

His love keeps me sailing

Firecracker

How did it feel

When you saw you weren't real?

I bet you couldn't speak

I bet your knees became weak

Like a puppet you were mastered

Like a drunk you got plastered

To bad you forgot your lines

To bad you forgot to give the right signs

But on the other hand

You won't feel so grand

Unless you become a fool

And grab the right tool

And wrench yourself into the greatest liar

I'll be d***** if thats your greatest desire

I only speak with acts I see

To tell truth, I should charge a fee

Cuz' honesty comes with a price

It is not by chance you roll lucky dice

We only gamble bcuz we don't have the right cards

We take the path of deception cuz the other is to hard

You could of walked away 

Without wasted words to say

You show that people are ***** bags

That will leave you bleeding without rags

Like a firecracker you gave a great show

There you stood with a five second glow

But in the end you were there and gone

Forgotten like a "One Hit Wonder" song

You and your Vainness hahahah

So I am writing this to say if you think a poem that I write is about you, your probably wrong in many cases and if you think that you know what or who I am talking about in a poem, your probably wrong again. SO in conclusion alot of poems just pop up randomly in my head and I start writing without actually having a certain person in mind. Grant it, I do write about certain people but I will def let you know if you are one of them. These rules apply to most ,saving the exception of (Jen) ,who knows what and who I am talking about most of the time.  So no more worries. O and one more FF (fun fact) although my poems are sad and you might think I am depressed, I am not. I am very far from depression...thank God. I just like to write sad things because it is the easiest way to express that emotion for me. WOw I could go on and on and on but I choose life and sleep. so good night world of the web:)

I Understand

I am standing soaked from the morning's dew

Words amount nothing but I have a few

I regret how I only thought about me

I regret that I chose not to see

I now see it in your eyes

Those eyes that cries

Freedom from the sinful chains

A thrist only quenched by the rains

I now realize the strength it took

To give it all up for only a few looks

You had to break yourself down

To hear the Heavenly Father's sound

You had to give up me 

So only God you could see

I hope to not be bitter or sour

To love again I hope I have the power

Thank you for the wake up call

Thank you for putting up the wall

Not I must put you and your memory to rest

Losing you was defintely the best

Let Your "Yes" be "Yes."

I see your lies swirl around
I see it turning things upside down
I see your crooked lives built by deceit
So here it goes again, your sins repeat
You seat in a pew with lies dripping down like sweat
You say you dried yourself with the truth but you stand soaking wet
Your slowly drowning in your ways
But there you stand letting truth sway
How much longer can you preach
No longer do my ears you reach
I am sorry it came down to this
Will you recover? I can only wish
I didn't know your chains were so tight
But you gave up the truthful fight
Times change
We all rearrange
You taught me that true colors will show through
Honesty is only a trait of a few
Your outside can be dressed perfectly in white
But your words will slowly taint yourself black as night.

My Motto

Why enter the grave beautiful and clean?
Why not enter worning out and making a scene?
Let us use these bodies to the fullest extreme!

Everyday should be an adventure we stumble upon
We should not hope for an easy way all along
Or what fun would it be to die to a boring song.

I want my tombstone to say "she died doing what she loved"
Although it took a lot of work and even being shoved.
But in the end I just want to make it to the Heavenly place above.

So I can sit and look back on a life that was crazy
Not a life that was dull dark and hazy
Nor do I want to be called the one that was lazy

Live everyday like it was a blast
For tomorrow could be your last
Time races on to fast

Take everything that you were taught
Knowing that good times are what you sought
Live, Laugh, Love is a great disease that you got

Hahahaha ewww

There it is only seen by the naked eye

How it got there only makes me sigh

It should of never happened in my car

How it happened, well it is very bizarre 

It took five minutes and a couple of drinks

I only hope diseases will not find its links

Sanitary supplies and gloves are what I seek

To filter out the seats that reek

A innocent place tainted by an act

No longer fit to place a sincere tract

This poem is only meant for a few laughs

Or for me to remember to never take out the trash

Who needs Sleep?

Ok people this is not a poem, this is a random "not a lot of thought put into this" blog. 

The other morning around 4 a.m. I was thinking that sleep is not that necessary, yes you can disagree with me and say how unhealthy it is and blah blah but after a few years of having very little sleep, your body regulates and you get very use to it. Sleep cuts out on so much of life. I have done some of my greatest thinking at 3 or 4 in the morning. Grant it, I do not remember it the next day unless I write it down, still it has taught me that sleep is just a thing that waste life. I would say that not all sleep is bad but why do we need to sleep for 8 hours? We don't, I can sleep for 3 to 4 hours get up and do everything and more that day then if I would of slept for 8 hours. Maybe it is all in my mind but I think there is some truth to it. So now I shall stop my rant about sleep and go do something uselful:) 

Freedom Cut To Short

The adventure of a life time

We didn't worry about a stop sign

All we wanted was to be free of a small town

We ran out and nothing could keep us down

We shot out the city lights 

We were ready for new sights

We were going nowhere

Hoping to find somewhere 

A hundred miles and we had to turn back

Because freedom and time is what we lack

We slowly turned around

The music made no sound

The small town called us back home

Saying we could no longer roam

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold!

You sir, yes come on up, spin the wheel
Let us see what your fate will seal
Fraud, Fraud, Fraud to the fifth degree
Yes mam, come on down and we shall see
Not another one, Fraud to the highest
It's all around and noone is being biased
Two out of three friends will be frauds
Two out of three will give you the fake nods
Be thankful you rooted out your weeds
Be thankful fake smiles you no longer feed
Your sir, yes sir see if you can stand the test
Will survive or land amongst the rest
It is not so...another smiling fraud to please
When will it stop, when will we appease
There is an honest few to choose from a crowd so small
The one that is the closest will be the biggest fraud of all

Bottles

I took a grain of sand for every sin
For I knew how, where, and when.
The bottle filled up to the very brim
Not another could be placed on the rim.
I did not know that I would have to grab another glass
All that I did was very hard to grasp.
After countless hours, the beach had no sand
Only bottles of sin created by one man
God broke the bottles and said they are no more
The waves crashed and made a terrifing roar
The beach was back to being a beautiful piece of art
God cleansed me of my bottles and made a beautiful heart.

Words Can Not Express My Gratitude

All I could do was see the dirt
All I could do was feel the hurt
But there was a shiny glimmer of hope
There you were standing with a rope
You pulled me from my miry clay
Your were a friend what more can I say
You showed me that someone still has a heart
You showed me that I wasn't a failing piece of art
Honesty is what I admire most
So let's make a toast
A toast to frienship anew
A toast to the honest few
You helped me through my hardest times
You helped get back my rhythm and rhyme
Thank you is not good enough
I love you is said to much
But both of them comes from my inner core
I could not ask for anything more
So beloved friend of mine
I still have one more line
You are the best
High above the rest

Miss you....still

So now it comes down to who can win,
I can only say this so much with a pen.
I miss you and that's a fact.
Common sense is what I lack.
I wish that you would just admit,
That I was always a good fit.

Here Him Calling

I hear Him calling from a distance,
Why I am putting up such a resistance?
Good friends urge me to run to Your arms,
But leaping into the unknown rasies to many alarms.
I want nothing more,
Then for you to bandage my sore.
My walls of insecurities wont crash into the sea
To many lies have made me trust only me
I am trying to chizzle at my self worth
I want Your Will before I leave this earth
But I can't get past my comfortable view
I can't risk myself on someone new
I pray You grant me a soft heart
But trusting You will be the hardest part
I cry, Save me

True Image

I saw you through a foggy glass,
I didn't realize we weren't menat to last.
I find it funny I was quickly replaced,
So there I stood waving, only to be erased.
I couldn't believe this was the true you,
You use take my grey skies and make them blue.
Now you add to my sky, dark and eerie clouds,
But the music is just to loud, you can't hear me above the crowds.
Your way with words have tangled into a web of half truths and lies,
I have told what I felt and you ignored all my pleading cries.
Fancy words and showy sentences drip from your lips
Lies and deciet are both connected at your hips.
Blindfolded no longer
In the end you made me stronger.

And It Came To Pass.....

Well I have finally made a blog and now I really have no clue what to with it so until I come up with some creative this is all you get.