December Smiles

I’ll always remember,
That day in December
The day my smile went away

You’ll never see
What you did for me
The day my smile went away

I Write

I write because I feel pain,

I write so I won't go insane.

I write because no one asks what's going on

They all expect me to get over it and move along

If you have read what I write

Than you have read about my fight

I don't write for no reason,

Or that would be treason.

I write for a peace of mind

I write so me, I can find.

I write because I can't speak aloud

For showing pain, I couldn't be proud

I write so you can see,

What's going on inside me.

But these words will pass through deaf ears

Don't worry there will be no tears.

School Days

The strange events that occur,

Is leaving the cure?

Or should I stay,

Will there be a price I pay?

I made a life the past 3 years,

Was it worth my hidden tears.

I can't stand the reminder of things old,

Of losing something I can no longer hold.

I want to forget you and it all

Thats why I shouldn't be here this fall.

I want a life without you in it

The puzzle is beginning to fit,

Together like perfect picture
But I am just the light fixture

Blinding those around me

This wasn't suppose to be.

I am sorry to those who are close

Me leaving, you should all toast.

The tag along no longer around

No longer hearing my sound.

But I gotta be honest, I never felt like much

I was fill in when no one was at lunch

So I will be a whisper in the wind

I forgotten memory finally at its end.

No Title

I am going to use a phrase,

Yes, your eyebrows will raise.

"I hate you" is all I can say

I hope you think about it as you lay,

In your bed and regret it all,

I regret our first meeting in the fall.

"I hate you" in every single way

"I hate you" from June to May

I am getting out my rage

Let my monster from the cage

So its true, love is a choice and I choose

To hate you and my love for you to lose.

Monster

I stare deep into those eyes

Shifting myself through the lies

I see the past, so wasted

I remember how it tasted

Those eyes blink

My heart sinks

You walked away

What was I to say

Hate is in those eyes

No one sees the cries

Just the fake smile

That goes on for miles

I took another glance

My heart didn't dance

The stare of a monstrous kind

Realizing all along those eyes were mine

Silly Game

Calculate it in your head

Think about it in your bed,

Silly isn't it?

This game we play

The silence that fills our day.

I laugh at your mighty act

you love yourself, thats a fact,

But there's something you can't see

There's a day you will bleed

Alone you will sit and not feed

My desperation for love is deep

And for this I will reap

What I sow

Its my weight on my shoulders

Its getting heavier like a boulder

Bagging my feelings for my pride

I set my love on the side

To hard to deal with

So into the sea I sail

Attempting my next fail.

These Bones

This skin is so uncomfortable
So thick and itchy hot
I can't breathe in this confined space
I can't dream where I can't go
So maybe I'll shed it tonight
And give it to someone who's cold
Toss it aside
And walk around in my bones

But these bones are so awfully heavy
I can't seem to stand upright
I can't move with these pounds on my back
So I'll drop the load tonight
Recycle them for someone better fit
Toss them aside
And swim around in blood and thicker things

But oh! These thicker things are in the way
Bumping against my every breath
I can't be free with them upon me
I can't watch the sun with them in my sight
So maybe I can sell them
To a single mother who needs a bit
Toss these aside

And now I can't travel or dream
or swim or breathe
I cannot move nor speak
And yet
I've done all I ever wanted
I made other people happy
When I couldn't for myself..

I Never Said Goodbye

A bond I tied my heart to
A creed I signed with love
Promises I kept
It never was enough

I was loyal to the oath
Dedicated with commitment
Everything I spoke
Everything, I meant it

I never told you lies
I never left your side
I never said those words
I never said goodbye

I told you what was real
I never spoke with fire
Little did I know
I wasn't your desire

I pledged what I was worth
My words stayed true
I convinced you I was right
The past I can't undo

I would swear to it all
With my life and breath
But loneliness needs company
The breeze took and swept

My name is distorted
And you cover me with lies
You've walked far away
But I can't say goodbye

You said what I wanted, but I never heard the truth
Little did I know, it was me hurting you

I said what I needed, but you didn't believe at all
Little did I know, this would be the last call

I never told you lies
I never left your side
I never said those words
I never said goodbye...

The Things We Choose

I embarrassingly
smiled at you
with a tear-stained eye -

made this blind mind wish
that she could see some things
or that she were
actually blind.

The things we choose
and the things we lose
and the things we actually mind
make this old mind wish
for a younger mind's blues
'cause I'd still have
all my time.

I remember all the
secrets sworn,
but I swear I've been naive
while I've remembered all the
things I've worn
while this heart's still on my sleeve.

I've said it once
then said it more
so maybe you'd believe:
If love's a drug,
then love's a drug
and to be alone is our disease.

I embarrassingly talk
through a pause of pain -
my tongue's in a civil war.
I umbrellallessly walk
through all this rain
with puddles like a metaphor.

Avoiding the voids -
It's never a flood,
but I avoid them all the same.
Love's hell doesn't kill.
Love might as well,
but at least it knows your name.

My lovin' has taught me
how to live -
so it's love, for whom I'll die
Lovin' has taught me
how to fall -
so for love, I'll try to fly

Love's easy to know,
yet harder to show,
and impossible to try to describe.
Either way,
I want you to know
that I'll love you 'til I die.

I embarrassingly walk
when I should crawl,
and I dangerously try to fly
I know I've already said it
but I'll say it again...

I'll love you 'til I die.

Cheers To You

Don't you just hate it when you find the one
And you smile and laugh, then turn and run
I replay it in my head, and it makes me blue
But its your favorite past time, so cheers to you

You were picture perfect, a heavenly dove
If given the chance it might have been love
You would've been my baby, my boo
But you thought that was silly, so cheers to you

Thank you for the times we almost had
I lived them in my dreams so don't feel bad
It would have been nice, if you were there too
but you had other plans, so cheers to you

I followed you, like I was in a trance
Was it too much to ask to be given a chance
I didn't want much, just to be with you
but you said no, so cheers to you

It hurts so much, yet my eyes are dry
Cause I haven't even tears enough to cry
But you'll get by, you always do
with a smile on your face, so cheers to you

I dreamt one night of our very first kiss
It was a special feeling, that will be missed
I like you so much if you only knew
But you never cared, so cheers to you

It hurts inside that we can't be together
Cause I truly could've held you in my arms forever
I will love you my dear, to the day my life is through
But for you it means nothing, so cheers to you

I fought so hard but never could see
That all I would find, is what could never be
Love's never enough, this much is true
You broke my heart, so cheers to you.